Dependency is Not a Bad Word — Here’s Why

I am sure you have heard phrases like the ones below a thousand times in your life already:

Don’t trust anyone.

You are alone in this world and you shouldn’t depend on anybody but yourself.

You will be let down by others. Learn to live with yourself. Don’t ask for help unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Have you ever questioned that thought? I feel these statements often come from a place of constant hurt and disappointment.

“Dependency Paradox” is a recognized concept. The idea behind this is that you feel truly independent when you have people to rely on. In the book “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep-- Love”, researchers Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explained how couples essentially make up a single physiological unit rather than being two distinct individuals. Their spouses control their heart rate, hormones, and blood pressure. Even on a biological level, they have a profound effect on one another.

In this modern world, we talk about being alone and independent so much that we tend to forget we are social animals. We consider dependency a negative word. We are supposed to make friend groups, meaningful connections, and humans to do activities with. We need shoulders to cry on, people who…